FFX Deaths My Way
by emObusDriver
Summary: This story is about when Yuna takes it too far. The gang take a forced walk, forced by Yuna, of course through Macalania and end up going insane with the cold, start killing each other or dying otherwise. COMPLETED! THE INSANITY HAS TAKEN THE FINAL BOW
1. Yuna Takes it WAY too Far

FFX Deaths – My Way

Well this is the first chapter of this sickingly hiralrious story. It begins with the ganh trudging through the deep snow of Macalania. Why? you ask, because crazy insane Yuna decided that they should take a nice little break. In her words; a march thorough a freezing cold land that is literally at the center of La-la land a.k.a. somewhere in Macalania. Enjoy!

Rikku: Oooooo Yevon! It's so freezing!

Rikku was now feeling murderous towards Yuna for taking her and the rest through Macalania for a nice walk.

Tidus: Nice walk here! Nice walk there! Why is she sooo obsessed with NICE LITTLE WALKS!

Everyone looked at Tidus strangely, and then continued to tread through the snow.

Yuna: Well, everyone! What did you think of that nice, lovely walk?

They had taken a rest at the Agency; Auron had to force Yuna, for sake of their sanity. But, he had lost hope of Yuna's sanity ever coming back.

After about half an hour, Yuna got impatient.

Yuna: Come on, you guys! We need to get on with our walk!

Yuna was waving her arms in the air

All the guardians: yea…. Shuddup…. mumble

Yuna was furious now….

Yuna: Argh!

Yuna grabbed a spear, from the wall and stabbed an unsuspecting Wakka in the chest.

Wakka: Guh! Humph! Gaaaa!

Wakka choked up blood and died.

Rikku screamed. Loud. Very loud.

An avalanche came storming down on the Agency. Every guardian (except Wakka, of course) escaped. But, as they ran out, Tidus' leg got crushed by falling snow.

Tidus: Help me!

Lulu turned around.

Lulu: I'm coming for you!

Auron: Lulu, no!

As Lulu ran (with difficulty, because her ludicrous dress with all them belts) she slipped on a banana skin, from Yuna's banana skin sandwich ewwwww and fell. When she fell, the force when she hit the ground made one of her belts to spring free and fly up in the air. Meanwhile, Brother's airship was flying high, then suddenly, a belt flew up and clogged the engine, a sharp part fell from the engine, down towards Macalania. Lulu was still waiting for something to happen. Then she saw it.

Lulu: Aw crap. This just figures. Before I die, I just wanna say one thing! I love you A-

She was cut off, literally, by the sharp engine part that separated her waist from her legs, when it reached her.

Tidus: Heheheheheheh! Funny!

Rikku: My god, you are disturbed………

Tidus: Shut up!

Tidus picked up a nearby rope, and lassoed it at Rikku's legs. She tripped up and fell off the edge of the cliff.

Rikku: ah!

They heard a horrible splat! As the she hit the bottom.

Yuna looked round.

Yuna: uhm……. Since there's only four of us left-

Kimarhri tapped her on the back.

Yuna: What?

He pointed to Tidus impaling himself with pointy shoe.

Yuna: sigh oh for the love of! Okay, _three _of us left, why don't we hold a survival game!

Auron: how do ya win?

Yuna: well.. we all start off at different points, whoever reaches the Temple first, gets to live. Oh and you can kill any one of us if you meet them on the way.

Auron: sounds good. Let's go!

They all stole weapons from the ruins of the Agency and set off.

Yes I KNOW its very short. but this is only the start of a mini-saga and believe me it will get much funnier and much better overall. PLEASE review. If you don't i will have to castrise you. :P


	2. Weird Advice and Homosexuals

FFX Deaths My Way

I'm still pissed that only one person reviewed! Aw well….. anyways! Here is chappy 2 which BTW will be much longer dis time

Disclaimer: _I don't own FFX or FFX-2, if I did, then Lulu would be dead, Yuna would be my slave and Rikku would be my wife. _

CHAPTER 2

Yuna was starting to regret what she had suggested. It was now night – fall in the Macalania Woods and she was scared shitless.

Yuna: why the hell did I offer to start off in the forest? _sigh_ well at least I'm fall away from Auron, who started at the Agency and Kimarhri who started at the spring, where me and Tidus got bu-sy. For Christ's sake he forced me to kiss him! Fucking pervert….

Yuna walked on further through the dark lonely woods, bored as hell with a sleepy expression on her face when she just realised how serious danger she was in. She stopped, gasped, pulled at her hair with both her hands and said:

Yuna: oh shit! Kimarhri is so close to me! What am I gonna do? Okay, just don't panic, Yuna. Just remember Lulu's totally un-related yet somehow helpful in this bizarre situation, advice.

_Yuna Flashback_

_Lulu is talking to a seven- year- old Yuna with a serious tone in voice saying:_

_Lulu: remember Yuna, if you're confronted by a giant blue kitty with a broken horn in the woods, after agreeing to stage a survival competition, just kick him where the sun don't shine._

Yuna: alright I'm calm now and I'll ju-

She was interrupted by the tapping on her shoulder by Kimarhri.

Yuna: oh god!

She swiftly kicks him right in the baby-makers and runs like hell.

Kimarhri slowly recovered, got up then ran after the little nut-kicking bitch.

Yuna was well ahead of him, so unfortunately (for her) when she realised this, she decided to take advantage of her distance, and when Kimarhri was close to her, she jumped up a tree, out of his reach.

Yuna: ha-ha! You canna catch m-ugh!

Yuna was yet again interrupted, this time by the huge Katana slicing off the top part of her head, her hair flew off and hit the ground, and you could see her brain.

She had a sickening expression on her face, she was trembling, then she fell to her knees, revealing Auron, behind her, in a swordsman stance. He watched as trembling again when on her knees, then after about 5 seconds, fell sideways on to her left, eyes open, blood spilling from her mutilated cranium, tongue sticking out, dead.

To Auron's great surprise, Kimarhri sighed with ultimate relief and said in a rather gay and high pitched, raspy voice:

Kimarhri: oh! My god! Like, you have like, saved me from that total be-atch! Thank-you! My good man! But… I'm afraid I'm gonna have to kill ya now , that's the rules, right? Aw poo! You were such a nice guy!

By now, Auron had ran far, very far, Kimarhri hurring after him off in the distance of the woods.

There may be only be two people left, but believe me, there is long to go….

Well that the end of chappy 2 , still a bit short, but still longer than chappy 1. hope yall all enjoy and PLEASE review. Will update soon.


	3. AssesxXxAl Bhed

FFX Deaths My Way

CHAPTER 3

Okay well i'm glad that you liked the last two chapters, because you all liked them so much im gonna update every time I get the chance! Okay I'm warning you about this chappy, because someone we all hate will turn up! But there is good news! Someone we all adore (well at least I do) will um, uhm er…. Lets just say they'll climb up Spira's crack to greet us……. VERY RANDOM CHAPTER ALERT! Hope you all enjoy!

Auron was freaked out. No, that would be an understatement. He wanted to eat a whole jar of expired olives, then throw then up, then put the gooey olives into his cute little liquor bottle, shake it all up, open the cap and spill it all over himself.

But no he was being silly, he decided he would take his mind off Kimarhri's homosexuality by imagining Mika in Rikku's skimpy little bikini top and panties.

But that was still too much, Auron stopped in his tracks and threw up over Bahamut's daughter, who, with her father had just happened to be taking a walk through the dark Macalania woods, holding hands, they had been walking past Auron.

Bahamut: you fucknut! Look what you did to Doris (A.P.O.V, eurgh!) you made her smell like that Kinoc sandwich I had the other day!

Just then, they were silenced by Yuna somehow running after Auron, to his horror, still revealing her brain.

Yuna: Auron, you home wreaker! Look what you did to my lovely brows! Jesus! I'll never regrow them back! I don't need the top of my brain! That part is used for that useless thing called sanity! Anyways…. I want my eyebrows back!

Then came along Kimarhri, arms in the air like a gay man, skipping with joy when he sighted Auron.

Kimarhri: oooo it's Amy!

Auron: A-Amy?

Kimarhri: yeppers! That's my new for you! Aww I thought it was cute! Just like you……

Auron shuddered in horror

Auron: look, Kimarhri-

Kimarhri: o just calls me Kimmy!

Auron: urgh…..

Bahamut: hey! You, ringworm! I'm still waiting to lick your sick off my daughter!

Auron: heh heh heh heh heh heh he…….

Yuna: Auron, I want my eyebrows

Kimarhri: gimme a kiss Amy!

Auron couldn't take it any more, he screamed out loud like a little girlie and ran like hell away from them all, to the temple.

Auron: omg I've finally reached the temp-

Auron was cut short by the machine operated guillotine trap, waiting for him at the temple doors. Only a well trained machine expert could have made such a contraption.

Rikku got down from the roof, infuriated that she got the wrong person and started to stamp her feet, but then said ouchie because she hurt her already seriously hurt leg, which she had dislocated when she fell off the cliff.

Rikku: Vilg! E kud dra fnuhk vilgehk bancuh! E fyhdat du kad Yunie pid huuuuu, Auron ryt du lusa yht cdelg rec ikmo rayt rana!

(translation:

Fuck! I got the wrong fucking person! I wanted to get Yunie but nooooo, Auron had to come and stick his ugly head here!)

Rikku sat down in the snow, arms folded and pouted.

Rikku: awww! I'm sad!

Strange random voice: perhaps I can help you?

Rikku turned around and gasped in disbelief when she saw him

Rikku: you, Seymour?

Seymour: yes, it is I , Seymour Asses. I have come to comfort and help lady Rikku in-

Rikku jumped on him and tugged on his collar.

Rikku: shut up! And let's do it!

So there, out in the clearing, Rikku and Seymour made love for all the priests to see.

Rikku: yes Seymour YESSSSSSSSSS!

She moaned

Seymour: yes Rikku YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

10 minutes later…..

Seymour+Rikku: awwwwwwwwww….

Meanwhile, Yuna, Kimarhri, Doris and Bahamut sat around a fire singing camp fire songs.

We will return to Macalania later…..

Well that's the end of chapppy 3! Hope ya like it, took me an hour to make. O, and to any lemon lovers out there, no I don't do them. I don't like SeymourxRikku, I just paired them for the sake of insanity……. Please review!


	4. Don't You Do Solvents!

FFX Deaths My Way

Sorry peeps if this new chapter took a little while to get posted. It's because I've been on holiday in Germany, I had to write this chapter on my laptop in my hotel in Berlin. The sites are great! Lol, anyways this is chapter 4, the most random yet, and believe me, it'll get randomer. Hope you all enjoy it! Please REVIEW!

**Disclaimer: I don't own ffx or x-2 square-enix does and I don't own the Movie, _Death becomes Her, _which is being parodied in this chapter, nor do I own _Family Guy _the greatest show on earth, which has some themes copied.**

**CHAPTER 4**

It was early morning in Macalania, and the birds were singing, the sun was rising from its sleep and everything seemed like heaven. That's for everyone except Rikku who had one MASSIVE headache.

Rikku slowly rose from the snowy ground of which she had no idea whatsoever of how her and Seymour asses could have survived the night sleeping on it.

She walked over to the sink, which just happened to be sitting there, outside the temple. Rikku looked in the mirror at herself with drowsy eyes. She took an over-dose of mega happy pills, which caused her jaw to forcefully smile. She was now hyper, and was ready to do anything that she felt obligated to do.

She turned around to wake up Seymour asses but gasped when she saw what looked like a mask of Seymour asses' face on the ground. Sitting on the snow, snoring louder than the almighty thunderous heavens, was Tidus.

Rikku: what…the….FUCK!

Tidus groaned and opened his eyes but gasped when he saw Rikku staring at him murderously.

Rikku: you fucking home wrecker! You tricked me into having sex with you! I thought you wanted to fuck Yuna's ass! You disguised yourself as Seymour asses to seduce me?

Tidus: erm…well… yeah.

Rikku: you could've just asked.

Tidus: yeah, I know but when I anticipated it I was probably high.

Out of nowhere, GI Joe runs up to them and says:

GI Joe: kids, you see what the affect of solvent abuse does to you and people around you. Last year there were over 1000 deaths in Macalania alone, due to chronic brain diseases and heart failure.

Rikku+Tidus: now we know!

GI Joe: and knowing is half the battle.

There is cheesy music in the back round; Rikku and Tidus are wide- eyed and smiling like little kids, waving at the stupid marine, who is doing a saluting sign. And finally a random voice says: GI Joe!

_Meanwhile in the middle of the woods_

Yuna, Kimarhri, Doris and Bahamut are all wearing short shorts, are linked in arms, standing atop a large tree branch, dancing to the Coyote Ugly theme.

They all jump the tree and then Yuna says: well that was fun!

Doris: me wanna do it again

Kimarhri: ooooooo I loved that! I was sooooo enjoying myself, then you had to like, switch the music off!

Everyone starts talking about how much they really liked doing the Coyote Ugly dance.

_15 minutes later…_

Yuna: shouldn't we be setting off for the temples, I mean, come on, this has turned from a gladiator tournament to some sort of brothel party.

Bahamut: yeah and you would know everything about brothel parties, wouldn't ya, Yuna.

Yuna: what?

Bahamut: nothing.

So they set off on their little retarded journey to the temple, as they were leaving the woods when, out off the bushes, something jumped out at them. It had Lulu's head, but Wakka's body.

Yuna: SCREAM!...!

Lulu: Yuna shut up! You're probably all wondering how the hell this happened, well, long story short, when my upper half, which had miraculously survived it's separation from my legs, I looked at my lower half, which were hopelessly crushed by rubble. So in order to get around, I crawled to Wakka's body to steal his lower half.

Kimarhri: gross!

Lulu: so when I got there I found he had survived.

Yuna: shit!

Lulu: so we made a deal. We decide to switch bodies. I thought Wakka was being stupid as usual because my legs were crushed, but the little fucker managed to fix them and….

Wakka walked out from behind the bushes with Lulu's sexy lower half.

Wakka: you-hoo!

Everyone except Wakka and Lulu's jaws were dropped.

Kimarhri fainted, Yuna threw up over Doris

Bahamut: not again!

_Meanwhile, back to Rikku and Seymour asses, woops, I mean Tidus._

Rikku and Tidus were getting it on again, after Rikku accepted his sincere apology he decided to make it up to her by giving her a nice session of sex.

**00000**

End of another chapter!

Well I hope ya liked that one! PLEASE review if you don't you will be neutered I'm serious!


	5. A Surgical Experiment Worthy of Jackson

FFX Deaths – My Way

Well I'm pissed people, coz well NO ONE whatsoever reviewed! That really annoys me --_sigh-- well_ I shouldn't blame you all, you probably did an even better thing like giving up your sanity! Anyways I'm feeling merciful, so here's chapter 5.

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't ffx or x-2 and you all know that.

CHAPTER 5

Lulu and Wakka were leading the group down the snowy hill towards the agency where this freak show started. The rest of the group were nervously trailing along behind them worried that these sick weirdos would do another one of their little experiments on them. Because of this fear, and possibly because his daughter had chunky sick all over her, Bahamut had left with Doris.

As they reached the pay toll booth, the person inside it of course, had been long since killed by Kimarhri, Lulu and Wakka stopped. Lulu turned to face Wakka.

Lulu: ready?

Wakka: you bet ya big boobs that now belong to me.

Lulu groaned in disapproval.

Lulu: _sigh _then let's do it!

To Yuna and Kimmy's (omg the Auron disease has spread!), Lulu and Wakka turned around to them pointing machina guns at them.

Yuna: wtf!

Kimarhri: what the hell are you, like, doing!

Lulu: Yuna, Kimarhri we're sorry, truly, but you know too much. But, before I kill you, Yuna, what happened to the top of your head?

Yuna: you know what I don't remember!

Lulu: yes well-

Just then, Auron came down, swinging from a wire that was connected from the temple to the toll booth. He threw up as he saw Lulu and Wakka, but proceeded to slicing off their heads in a row.

Lulu's head gasped on the ground. Wakka's just said:

Wakka: ouch! Ya?

Yuna: omfg thank you Auron!

Kimarhri: AMY!

Kimarhri gave Auron a bear, well giant blue kitty hug

Auron: oofff!

Kimarhri released his grip on him.

Auron: god that bitch Rikku killed me!

Yuna: she did?

Kimarhri: I'LL KILL HER!

Yuna: how did you survive?

Auron: I'm an unsent, remember

Yuna: oh, yeah, I don't remember stuff too good ever since something chopped the top of my head off

Auron said nervously: heheheheh hehehe heh heh heh….

Yuna: why didn't you kill her?  
Kimarhri: yeah why?  
Auron: because when I woke up, she and Tidus were um…..ahem... I couldn't stand the site of it, I had to run.

Yuna: Tidus is alive! And he had sex with Rikku! Oh my mother-fucking Yevon no! I'll kill the little bastard!

Auron: so all remaining people have someone they wanna kill? Wait, I don't…

Another random voice: oh yes you do!

Everyone turned around.

Auron: Seymour asses!

Seymour: yes, it is I, the real Seymour asses!

Kimarhri: of course you're, like, the real Seymour asses, why wouldn't you, like, be?

Seymour: because that little shit Tidus impersonated me! Now fuckers, prepare to die!

_Meanwhile at Tidus and Rikku's camp…_

Tidus: wow that session was good.

Rikku: yeah, real good…hee hee

A priest was watching from the windows.

Priest: you gonna put some clothes on and please leave?

Rikku: NO! SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO STEAL MY STUPID COUSIN'S MAN! Now, where were we?

Tidus: you were just about to give me a bj….

Rikku: really?

Tidus: um, yeah don't ya remember.

Tidus said this nervously

Rikku: must have forgot… aw well I'll do it anyway…

Tidus whispered: yes!

Rikku: what was that?

Tidus: nothing

So Rikku proceeded to giving Tidus his well deserved (well, in his opinion) blow job.

**000000**

Well that's the end of that chappy. I might consider doing a TidusxRikku lemon, ya know… PLEASE review!


	6. The REAL Asses

FFX Deaths My Way

CHAPTER 6

Yes! Finally! I'll bet you're thinking that now! Well sorry folks for the MASSIVE delay, but I'm just back from Deutschland, (if you're stupid and you don't know German, it means Germany in German, dummy!) anyways here is your highly deserved NEW! chappie wappie! Enjoy and review! Note: this one is quite short because of me not having not much time on my hands these days….

DISCLAIMER: I don't own ff-x or x-2 and all rights to the lyrics of shoot me down either belongs to the record company or Nancy Sinatra or someone else in the family or she knows, not me.

Auron: oh crap what am I going to do! Okay just think Auron!

Seymour was now advancing at the swordsman whose panties were no doubt nice and stained brown by now.

Seymour: come on sir Auron, surely you can put a better fight than this?

Seymour looked at Auron hopefully. Auron shakily shook his head and looked like a little kid who was in trouble for doing something wrong. He barely mumbled squeakily:

Auron: nuh-uh..

Seymour looked gravely peeved as well as mighty disappointed.

Seymour: o for the love of-

Yuna suddenly interrupted him.

Yuna: peanuts! For the love of peanuts?

Everyone looked at Yuna in a way that said quit while your ahead to her.

Yuna: what?

Everyone stared in silence.

Yuna: well, if you won't let me be a part of this completely random story that seems to be going no where then I'll just go!

Yuna firmly gave a loud 'humph!' and stamped away.

There was a cricket call as everyone looked at each other.

Seymour: so uh…. Wanna continue killing each other now?

Auron: uhm…. Yeah that would be nice!

Seymour: argh!

Seymour charged at him.

Auron had to think of some thing fast.

He picked up the nearest stone, which was miniscule, and hurled it at Seymour with a childish grunt, it hit Seymour square in the face and his face bled, and he fell down onto the snow, dead.

Auron paused for a moment.

Auron: wow. That was a lot easier than I thought it would be…..

All of a sudden some random blonde singer jumped out of nowhere and sang :

I was five and he was six  
We rode on horses made of sticks  
He wore black and I wore white  
He would always win the fight

Bang bang you shoot me down  
Bang bang I hit the ground  
Bang bang that awful sound  
Bang bang my baby shot me-

Auron: if you don't shut up I'll shoot you down again!

She continued : Seasons came and changed the time   
And I grew up I called you mine  
He would always laugh and say  
Remember when we used to play

Bang bang I shot you down  
Bang bang you hit the ground  
Bang bang that awful sound  
Bang bang I used to shoot you-

Auron: I'm gonna shoot you down now! Bitch!

Music played and people sang  
Just for me the church bells rang

Auron: yeah! For your funeral

Auron was loading his shotgun barrel now.

Now he's gone I don't know why  
Until this day sometime I cry  
He didn't even say good bye  
He didn't take the time to lie

Bang bang he shot me down  
Bang bang I hit the ground  
Bang bang that awful sound  
Bang bang my baby shot me-

BANG!

Auron had shot the singer in the stomach, causing her to be flung far. There was a sizzling hole where her stomach and other organs used to be.

Yuna came walking back, licking an ice cream cone.

Yuna: did I miss anything?

She seemed oblivious to the two bodies lying there on the snow.

Auron stared in disbelief at her.

Auron: that chopping of your head really didn't do you any good at all, did it, Yuna?

Yuna: yeah well now I can't do math or ever have sanity…. But those two things are useless! Oh yeah and I think I'm gradually losing my memory… who are you?

Auron: lets just go.

Yuna: whatever you say mister I haven't shaved in like three weeks.

So they both continued to hike to the temple.

So that's it for that chapter! Please review


	7. Avada Potatoe!

FFX Deaths My Way

**Disclaimer: **I don't own ffx or x-2 or Harry Potter readers: huh? Dammit ask if I do again and I will attack with sporks! Lol.

CHAPTER 7

Another massive delay…. I'm getting worse…. I swear…..anyways…… I'm only gonna do 2 chapters after this one and before you all attack me in rage, there will be a sequel….and hopefully a prequel……. Anyways, here is ze chapter 7.

**000000000**

Auron: just until we get to the temple…just remember that... you'll only have to bear her for a while…..

Auron was now feeling very dangerously (for Yuna that is) murderous at the half-headed summoner who was shaving, her face covered in funny-smelling white stuff that Auron suspected wasn't shaving foam...

Auron: maybe I should kill her when I get to the temple… finish what I started.

Then, to Auron's horror, he suddenly had an idea of what the funny-smelling white stuff was.

Auron: Yuna… where did you get that shaving foam?

Yuna looked at him, now eating toothpaste and still shaving at the same time.

Yuna: ummmmm, I forget. Damm yew head!

And she hit her own head gleefully.

Yuna: oh yeah, I got it from Tidus.

To save auron the pain of asking Yuna about that in detail, they were interrupted by someone jumping out of nowhere.

Yuna: another random person!

Yuna said this angrily, Auron however was thankful that there was a diversion to stop him from asking that controversial and possibly legally shunned question (A.N. what the hell did that mean! O yeah I watched Frasier today and I'm insane smiles toothily)

This diversion had copyright infringement written all over it… it looked like Harry Potter…yet it was a bit crappier…he was spotty, with massive glasses, hair that was so untidy it looked like black crabs, instead of grass green eyes, it was more a fresh shade of snot… o yeah and he had massive ears…

He said in a very squeaky voice:

Harry Potter like-person cameo (I will write just Harry after this.) : prepare to be killed!

Auron threw a ball far away so Yuna would run after it and be out of the way

Auron: you think a little teenage mess like yourself will manage to kill me?

Harry: erm… yes?

Auron: hah!

Auron advanced on him, ready to strike.

In a nervous squeak, the copyright infringement said:

Harry: Avada Potatoe!

Auron was hit by the spell but he just turned into a pineapple with elephant ears.

Harry: o wait no, that's not the spell… erm… Avada Churchbell!

Even if the copyright infringement had managed to get the incantation right, Auron was after all, an unsent, which kicks the crud right out of that plan, huh?

This time Auron was turned into Gwen Stefani with a blue nose, a red tail and he had fangs.

Harry: Avada Doggiedoo!

Now Auron was a stick, that sang the (erm think of a really obscure county… I know!) French Polynesian national anthem.

Harry: Avada Diet Soft Drink!

Now a toad with a crown of love hearts.

Harry: Avada- argh!

Harry suddenly froze, then dropped dead, revealing that the back of his head was cut up, Yuna was behind him with a flick knife.

Yuna: I noticed you still had your sanity, sir!

Yuna poked him with a stick (his wand actually) and he blew up, spewing guts everywhere.

Yuna: oops…

She walked over to the strange toad, she poked him and he turned into Auron again.

Auron: oh my god, Yuna thanks! Do you know what we could do with that wa-

But Yuna put the wand inside her mouth, chewed eagerly and swallowed.

Auron: ……………

Yuna: mmmmm delicious!

Auron started to cry.

Yuna skipped ahead to the temple, and threw the knife behind her and it landed in Dobby the house elf's head as he was attempting to retrieve Harry's body.

Dobby: Dobby is dead, sir!

And he fell to ground, blood around him.

**0000000000000  
**

**FIN (well to be continued, dummy….. until next chapter!)**

Tell meh what you think…. Reviews greatly appreciated.


	8. Aroma came from Egypt so Did Slavery

FFX Deaths My Way

CHAPTER 8

Okay, now that the story is soon closing to an end, I want you guys to review like crazy! I need those reviews! They are all that sustains me! This may or may have already have been changed to an M rating. I dunno, I couldn't change it before I wrote this. Oh yeah, by the way I will be replying to reviews after this story from now on, just to stop being rude! Sorry for the inconvenience of me not replying… anyways let's crack on! Shall we?

**0000000000**

Yuna was singing 'la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la lo la song' while skipping ahead of Auron, who wished he could die right now, so desperately wished that he was dead.

Auron: why me?

Yuna: Auron, look! I can the temple thingy-mer-jig! And Tidus and Rikku are sitting there, having s-!

NOW I REMEMBER WHY I WANTED TO KILL SOMETHING! YOU BASTARD, TIDUS!

And she summoned Bahamut.

Yuna: KILL THE LITTLE SHIT!

Bahamut, however, had taken up Aroma Therapy, so he refused to fight, as he now believed in nothing but peace.

Yuna: …….WHAT!

Bahamut: that's right! Fighting is not the answer Yuna, silly girl.

Rikku and Tidus got out of their, ahem, position and slowly backed away, Auron stood back as far as he could, without being killed by Yuna.

Yuna: I'm sorry I have to um… do this Bahamut, but I'm afraid I simply am obligated to….

Bahamut: huh? Yuna? Where are you going? Hey! Wha-! No! Don't turn on that chainsaw! Argh!

Yuna: DISOBEDIENT LITTLE-

And Yuna a lot of words that were so rude I can't possibly be allowed to put them on a T-rated Fic. Then she ran at him with her chainsaw, and split him straight down the middle, his organs fell out. Oh yes. Gross.

Everyone was speechless. And scared. Yuna then screamed madly and ran at Tidus with her blade, who quickly grabbed Rikku sideways, in front of him. Yuna didn't stop and swiped, severing Rikku's head off.

Yuna: HAH!

Rikku's body dropped to the ground, covered in splattered blood.

Tidus: rather her than me…..

Yuna's chainsaw broke down just as she was about to kill Tidus.

Yuna: shit!

Auron had finally woken up from his doze and ran over to Yuna and swiped his sword at her neck this time. He didn't completely chop her head off.

Auron: how do you die!

Yuna: I don't. heheheheheheh, my head's hanging on by a piece of flesh. He-he, gross!

She then dropped to the ground, her blood instantly pooling around her body, dead, possibly because the blood wasn't getting to her brain….

Tidus: wow! The two girls I laid just died gruesome deaths. Cool!

Auron was about to kill Tidus too, but Tidus was too quick, well he had to learn how to be quick, ya think he'd be able to keep up with hyper Rikku in bed would ya?

Tidus grabbed the same pointy shoe he had miraculously survived being stabbed by, after he tried to kill himself, and stuck it in Auron's head.

Auron cried blood

Auron: wait! An unsent can't die! This isn't fair! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

And so Auron bawled his eyes out, until he bleed to 'death'.

Tidus had a celebratory erm…_ahem_ indulgence only a male can uh…um… inflict open his…parts…

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End of CHAPPY! Please do review!


	9. DRUGS ARE BAD!

FFX Deaths My Way

CHAPTER 9

Disclaimer: yes as you all very well know I do not have a hop ion ever owning FFX, X-2, or the NRA. Oh, and just to clear things up, the Denny's mentioned in this chapter has got nothing to do with the popular diner franchise across the US of A.

Righto, the second-last chapter is upon us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know… so sad… cries hysterically right people twas my birthday on the 18th December, so I got superbly hyper and wrote this extraordinary exhibition of complete and utter randomness. Grins toothily while drooling slightly TO DAS STORY!!!!!!!

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After Tidus had finished indulging in his, uh, portrayal of… pleasure by- oh fuck it! I'll just say it! He was MASTURBATING! There! Happy now?! takes an angst fit coz Michael is an teenage emo, who has random fits of pointless suffering and needs his moments… anyways…uh… ahem, yes when he had finished doing _that,_ he then got up, and because he's such a blonde little airhead he forgot to pull up his trousers and boxers (or as you yanks over there in America-land call them: _pants and underwear._).

So poor little, now bare below the waist in the freezing cold of Macalania, Tidus, had to trudge through the snow and try to think what the hell he was going to do now, for all his friends were killed and he was stuck in a world a thousand years older than his own…

Tidus: I know! I'll play dominoes with that nice fellow over there!

Tidus gestured to no one in particular, the giant bag of cheesy Doritos that was now charging towards the bare blonde, who, after a prolonged period of approximately 7 minutes 34 seconds realised that he was being attacked, bizarrely, by a giant bag of Lulu's favourite crisps (translation to American-peoples: _potato chips_), had only then attempted to escape, but it was too late, the ravenous bag of Doritos had already taken him to his lair in Teletubby-land and gobbled him in one bite.

Tidus: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm too young to be digested!!!!!

But thereafter Tidus discontinued his pointless attempts to call for help, for he had found his missing xylophone, in the fcontents of the Dorito bag's stomach, that disappeared mysteriously when he was five, after reports of a bag of a similar brand of everyone's favourite potato chips, for half price brillo pads, visit Denny's!, sorry… I was paid to advertise that, well on with the story! Yes, as Tidus discovered his long-lost xylophone he at first was with euphoria of ditsy happiness, but then, he was at a loss, what the HELL had he used the xylophone for?

But ah yes… he had used it as a toilet seat and when he looked closely, he could see what remained of the one thousand-year old shit… good times… good times…

Tidus decided after a while he was bored of the Dorito bag's gut, so got out his trusty pointed shoe, tore his way out, Doritos spilled everywhere… so Tidus continued to travel away from Teletubby-land, where cannibals, dragons and vampires lived, where Christians were persecuted, children were trafficked to the highest bidder, where there was a constant wave of natural disasters and wars, where the feared communist Teletubby dictator, Po spread its reign of terror and tyranny, but most terrible of all, they charged 50 gil more for cuckoo clocks than in the rest of Spira… truly terrible…

But when Tidus arrived home, he suddenly regain his senses, and paid for it in the morning…

The moral of the story, kids:

DRUGS ARE BAD!

_This subliminal message was brought to you by the National Rifle Association._

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**SOOOOOOOOOO…..** that was random, wasn't it? Review or die. 

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	10. FINAL CHAPTER

FFX Deaths My Way

FINAL CHAPTER

Indeed my loyal inferiors, the end is nigh, so sad, I wanna bawl! Anyways, as some of you, who inspect my notes further than the other parasites who google over my brainchild, I have decided to add one more chapter than was announced! Ah, yes as to the reviews, I want to thank everyone so far for graciously reviewing, it was so nice of you to a waste about a minute and a half of your measly lives to read the precious creation of my sanity-absented brain . It's good to see SOME of you have an insane sense of humour! Particularly drbloveless and SilverHorror, guys your reviews were all that sustained me these past months…anyways, I'm rambling more than usual now, so…..

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Disclaimer: I said this before I don't own any of the brands, companies, organizations, movies, books or lollipops mentioned in the fanfiction! Also, FFX or X-2 belongs to Square-Enix and not poor little me.

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When Tidus reached Guadosalam, which for some unrelated and mysterious reason he had set off for –cough- Porn Archives –cough- , he suddenly saw Tromell bounding towards him, his tongue hanging out, like a dog.

Tromell: I WANT LOLLIE-POPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tidus: -sigh- okay then mister…

Tidus retrieved a gigantic purple and orange lollipop from his Hello Kitty bag (heh heh heh, he probably stores oestrogen in there too). As Tidus went to open it, Tromell got impatient, and ripped the girly bag open with his canine teeth, causing the contents to fly everywhere, from magazines, to Twinkies, to chewed pencils, to his bottle of oestrogen (SEE!). Because of this, or maybe perhaps because it was his period, Tidus kicked the dog-like Guado away down the strange looking stairs.

Tidus: well at least I can say I did something new today.

He continued up the stairs to the funny-smelling door that labelled in childish, crooked, un-joined, back-to-front writing, the words 'FARPLANE, DO NOT ENTER OR MY GIANT BAG OF SKITTLES WILL SWALLOW YOUR MOTHER, BY ORDER OF SEYMOUR GUADO'.

Because Tidus was a retard, he continued on anyway…

As he walked through the corridor that gives the impression of only a short way to walk, but it takes fucking forever in FFX for all of the gang to pass through it while talking about some unsent perv who tried to hit on Yuna, Tidus froze on the spot.

It was the heads, torsos and arms of everyone who had been killed in this bizarre foray, but some of them had stitched on heads or limbs, with the exception of Yuna's upper head, joined at the waist together, all looking extremely pissed at Tidus.

Yuna: YOU CHEATER!!!!!

Rikku: WE WERE JOINED AT THE GENITALS FOR NOTHING?!

Lulu: I GOT MY BOOBS BACK! YAY!

Wakka: Ya?

Auron: if I had my way I'd be at Starbucks right now…

Seymour Asses: MY HAIR IS ITS NATURAL COLOUR AGAIN! NOOOOOOOOOO!

Everyone laughed at Seymour Asses' now carrot-coloured hair (btw I don't anything against red-heads, my best friend is one!).

Bahamut: where's Doris?! I lost her on the Thunder Plains…

Tidus: oh! So that's what that giant rat actually was, I thought when I took a dump later it was kinda chunky for a rodent…

Bahamut: …..

Tidus: well, now that I'm free from all of you, I'll be leaving, but first, who did this to all of you?

Kimarhri stepped out of nowhere.

Kimmy: Oh, that would be me.

He giggled girlishly after he said this, while painting his nails pink and purple.

Kimmy: he he he he he!

Tidus: NOOOOOOOOOO! I DON'Y WANNA-

_2 hours later _

Tidus was joined with the already mutilated gang, but Kimarhri had taken the liberty of embedding them to the Farplane wall.

Yuna: I'm still pissed at you Auron for ruining my schmexy eyebrows!

Auron: shut up, Yuna.

Lulu: at least we're together in this…

Rikku: and that's a good thing?

Wakka: think of all the things left undone in my life, ya… I never tried blow…

Seymour Asses: WHAT?! Hah! Lets all laugh at Wakka!

So everyone, while thankful for this measly diversion, enjoyed with indecent malice.

However when this ended they had nothing else to do.

Epilogue: the FFX gang were beaten, no one could save them. Five days later they all resorted to cannibalism in a struggle to gain dominance of their own hell…

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Believe it or not! This story is truly ended; it is Dead!

**REVIEWING IS A MUST FOR THIS CHAPTER**

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